I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
