dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
