good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
