Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
