Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
