I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
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He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
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The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.