i just wanna soil my oats bro
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches