Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes