Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
