Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
