I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
