My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also, beer. Big fan.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
