I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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