Do you still have your period?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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