Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Found your dick twin last night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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