just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
