Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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