she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
