Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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