Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
