oh god the rape fog is back!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
