i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
