Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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