i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
