So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
