Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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