Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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