Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
