I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
