It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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