Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
