That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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