we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday