I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.