Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i came on her dog
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?