some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
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All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.