so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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