Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize