your parents love me but you hate me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
