I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
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So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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