You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
please come you make the beer taste better
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
