you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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