You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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