Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
