i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
