Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
