You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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