i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
