He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
