So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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