I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
