He uses pillows to masturbate.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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