then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
