i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
