I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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