HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
