she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
