My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My liver just had a heart attack.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
