I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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