Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
