Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So here I am, sexting at work.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
