In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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