if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
